When an Influence is too Strong

I know, one day I have to admit the dreadful fact: I have to get away form her, to establish my own identity, or integrity.

I have long been wondering and struggling to find a book of integrity, or a true person. Now I find her. She’s the first one I should say I admire and worship: I agree to almost everything she says, and I read other books under her suggestion. She’s like a foster mother who gives me a second life, a true life. But when the time came, when I had read through all her books I can find at hand, when I turned from her to face the reality with her belief in my heart and mind, I face the danger of becoming a parasite of her. I think what she thinks, I talk what she talks, I emulate, or precisely, copy her. But one day I have to get out of her shadow, to achieve higher than her.

It’s like that my father gave me life, taught me to live, reproach me for my stupidity. I worshipped him, I wanted to be like him and, someday, I have to surpass him, otherwise, I would be but a shadow. Not a person of integrity.

She provides me the shortest way from this summit to another. I saw it. But I still need and I decided to walk the way she walked, and find out about it all by myself. If I find exactly the same as her, I shall be happy that I have become a person I will always admire. If the other way around, I shall be even happier in that I can be an adversary of the person I admire, the person who gave me life.