No one is Looking out for Me

March 22, 2009

It is a long way which leads me to understand it: No one, not my parents, not the school, the teachers, the Party, nor the Motherland is looking out for me.

That means when i fail, there is no one I can blame, because they didn't claim the responsibility to begin with, they just give me that feeling and cause me to think so. It also means, if i fail, no one will be sadder than i do. I always thought before that i myself didn't matter. All i wanted was to make my parents proud and give them happiness. I was wrong.

This mere change in thought actually makes a big difference in that when i realize that i am the only person in responsibility and want to have a good life, the purpose and action gets into a unity. I will be responsible for everything i do. I will make the smartest choice instead of the right one. I will be freer in thinking for myself. I will run faster and travel further.

Furthermore, no one is keeping track of me and my choices. No one is out there to make sure that i choose the right, normal or safest way, again they just gave me that kind of feeling. They advised in all kinds of ways which they think is good for me just because they think i am like any others they have met before, hedged by their own limited experience. They haven't seen enough legends in daily life to believe that their normal eyes is to meet one.

I am just different. Father stifled his potentiality little by little by turning down any kind of opportunities by the standard that he will not be the object of other people's laughing matter or anything.

What am i afraid of? No one is looking out for me. This is what i say-and if this becomes what i actually do, i don't believe i am not going to succeed. My goal is not to make more money than my relatives or classmates. It is to find what i love to do and let people pay me for doing what i love. The stupidest choice is made by including any other people other than myself in the concerns, or simply throw myself out of the game.

If i don't do what i like to do now, i will not be able to do that for the rest of my life. If i tend to choose what is normal and secure over what i like, i am likely to make that choice any time i face the trade off. Then with time and choices piling on...If you don't know what is going to happen to you, just look at people around you, who spend a lifetime doing what most people are doing in order to stay secure and ending up in the prison of being secure. All they got is insecurity.