Beginning of the Preparation

For the past two months at home, what has been preventing me from the actual preparation of the English Speech Competition is that all of them seem so ridiculous. Most of the debates and discussions that we put forward during the summer school together with our tutors were so unrealistic, so devoid of meaning and content that they were like plants uprooted from the soil that is so vital to its existence.

Even if these preparations are going to raise me to the height of the competition, what sense are they going to make after all that? And if not, which is more likely, why waste my time and youth like that? I would prefer reading some Henry Miller and giving a thorough thought about life and future.

Then I just deserted the much beaten path, and rejected Prof. W's philosophy from head to toe. My consolations are Confucius' words that "君子务本，本立而道生"-"The superior man bends his attention to the radical. That being established, all practical courses naturally grow up", and even if I might fail to live up to W's expectation, I will not regret the days spent following my own heart after having lived happily and fulfilled for a whole summer.

Now that there is only 3 days left before the new semester, and a month before we take off to Hangzhou, or wherever it is, I have to come to critical point of making a decision. I can no longer hold out with my detachment. After all, this is a practical world.

So here we go again, last minute preparation.

In the process, I will keep asking myself the following questions:

1. Is this important to me? Why would I care about that?
2. Where do I stand? For whom I speak?
3. Isn't this what everybody is saying?
4. Do I believe what I just said?
5. Is this the actual truth or just what I think, or conjure up?
6. Is this my wishful thinking?
7. Does this have significance to me? Is it going to change the way I think?
8. Am I going to be approved after I figure out this question?
9. Will I give the same answer if asked by my own conscience?
10. Am I lying? Do I have to lie in this one?
11. What is the truth? What will not change, what is unalterable?
12. Is this universally true, or just for China? Is this an eternal truth, or just a temporary one?